Monday, March 12, 2007

Prove It?

It is 1:18 a.m. EST and you don't care,

"I am as open-minded as the next man, as long as that man is no more open-minded than me." Anyone who knows me well knows that this has been my (unofficial) motto since I graduated in the top 62% of my Pittsburgh high school class of 1980. And it has served me well, ladies and gentlemen, through three marriages, seven children, nine careers, and a long struggle with pathological lying.

When it comes to open-mindedness, I find that I am completely accepting of other folks' beliefs as long as they are not pushed in my face. Aside from some Christian conservatives who have told me I should accept Jesus as my personal savior, I rarely encounter the self-righteous, especially in New York City. Here, not minding your own business can get you killed lickety-split and that's one of the city's many strengths.

But sometimes I simply don't feel like minding my own business so I now welcome your taunts of "hypocrite," "son of a bitch," and (oddly) "omnivore!" But I shall vent nonetheless. Short of doing so, this blog entry would end right here but you shall not be so fortunate. I think some beliefs are simply bullshit and I'm going to discuss a few below. Care to join me? Come on, it'll be good, sarcastic fun!

There's no such thing as a "psychic." How can I be so sure? Well, thousands and thousands of people claim to be psychic but not a single one can prove they predicted something awful would happen on the east coast on 9/11 in the year 2001. Not ONE psychic had the "skill" to let easterners know that some sort (any sort!) of danger loomed large on the eastern seaboard that day. Furthermore, shouldn't "psychics" know which people wish to talk to them and then simply call them collect? And why do they have doorbells on their office doors? Shouldn't they be able to buzz people in the moment they arrive? Thus, I have proved that there's no such thing as a "psychic." It's bullshit.

There's no such thing as a faith healer. We've all seen clowns like Peter Popoff frothing at the mouth while they "heal the sick." Paralyzed people walk, blind people see, and arthritic people play the banjo. "So?" you may say as you ponder a second Fresca. Well, have ya' noticed that they can only "heal" those who have nothing visibly wrong? How can we be sure the above folks were indeed afflicted as advertised? We can't. The faith healers never seem to be able to help people with weeping sores, hairlips, or decaying teeth! Indeed, whenever there's a chance to visibly prove to the skeptics that they indeed have special powers they are as absent as George Bush from the National Guard! Isn't God willing to prove his power? Not even once? Faith healing is bullshit.

Astrology is bullshit. Hundreds of people I've met over the years who respect astrology have guessed my zodiac sign and roughly one out of twelve have guessed it correctly. During moments of staggering boredom I have read my horoscope in the paper and am often rewarded with such deep insights as "Hard work will reward you." These gems are usually about as revealing and vague as your average fortune cookie ("Be nice rather than mean."). The very idea that one's personal development would be shaped by the positioning of the planets at the time of birth is so preposterous that, as a gesture of protest, I will use no punctuation at the end of this sentence

Christian Scientists are full of shit. They do not believe in medical intervention except for the setting of broken bones. HUH? The good Lord can take care of any illness but when it comes to a few broken bones the Big Man is rendered helpless? Please. As with the faith healers, it seems these folks will not give God the chance to truly prove his powers! If a kid dies from cancer or leukemia parents can simply claim that Billy or Suzie would have died anyway (no matter what) and "God has his reasons." And no one can prove otherwise. But if a leg is fractured in six places the brats will immediately be taken to the Emergency Room! Could this be because parents do not want to take the chance that, since God would fail to heal the bone EACH AND EVERY TIME, their faith might be exposed as lunacy? Why waste money on braces when God could straighten the teeth? Why wear eyeglasses? Hell, why even shower if God has the ability to make one clean? Christian Science is bullshit.

And thus ends my senseless rant. I hope you did not find it offensive in any way and I urge each and every one of you to accept others as they are!

-Paul C. Rosa


Rich said...

As I recall, you were voted "Most Likely To Be Open Minded" for the Class of 1980 - rock on!

Allow me to "argue" (heh heh): I believe a "cell" of sleeper cats (one of which was a short-hair Himalyan) had a strange psychic experience on Sept 10, 2001. Unfortunately, not a one of them was versed in human (oh, OK, "Snowball" could speak French, but in a country that is notoriously Francophobic, even Snowball had the good sense to "Ferment la bouche"!).

On the point of faith healers, I noted that a traveling band of those rapscallions was circulating about "healing" children with hairlips. Of course, the children would have to live with the stigma of a "Frito Bandito" mustache for the rest of their days...

Finally, a little insight into Christian Scientists. See, they are "scientists" and have divined (pun intended) that "God" and "splint" share no common letters, hence God is unable to heal broken bones with his "magical splint" (because he doesn't HAVE ONE!). A rigorous example of the scientific method if there ever was one!

BTW, read about art and other "fun" topics (nothing quite as heady as your topics) on MY blog:

Hon said...

Love the photo at the end of your entry. Loved the entry, too. But here I am laughing and wondering if that signs basically means: "Get up and walk you fucking faker!"

And while we're advertising, c'est moi: