Saturday, June 9, 2007

Not Worth Reading.

Dwindling Readers,

Paris Hilton. She's pretty. She's rich. She's whip smart. She is in possession of a cracklin' wit. She's earned everything she's ever received. And there are still those among us (like Dieter and Sherry) who detest her and want her to do hard time (a decade or more) for poor driving. Well, I for one shall not stand insolently by as one of my fellow citizens is spit upon, again and again, until the saliva drips from her trendy clothing like so much excessive dripping clothing saliva.

We all know Paris' parents, Ken and Marjorie Hilton, the founders of the hugely successful Marriott chain of hotels. These well-run "inns" dotting our spectacular interstate landscape, from Newark to points outside of Newark, feature crisp, clean sheets, delicious cool tap water and complimentary bathroom towels. Ask the maid for an additional ("trial size") bar of soap and guess what? You'll GET it. Now how many of our nation's hotels come through in this fashion, time and time again? "ALL OF THEM" you may counter but you'd probably be missing the point. 'Nuff said.

Some unsavory types (often from Oregon) would whine, "But Paris never earned anything at all!!" Oh, really? Well, when the first Marriott opened in Dayton, OH in 1987, five-year-old Paris and her sister (Doris) routinely helped to clean the rooms, change the air-conditioner filters, and scare defecating ducks away from the tiny swimming pool. It wasn't until 1992 that the 3-story, rundown hotel began to turn a modest profit and, in the ensuing two decades, over 2,200 sparkling franchises appeared across our land.

Is it not logical that, if young Paris worked so hard on the very first hotel, she should share in the incredible resulting wealth? Well, I don't know. It's not my job to "know" but in fact to excite and stimulate. You see, friends, I am skilled at presenting salient points and then stepping back, as if to say, "Why don't you folks debate it all among yourselves and come to your own conclusions." I believe it was John F. Kennedy who said, "Give a man some fish and he eats for a day but loan him your fishing gear and, well, who knows what can happen and stuff." And then he was shot in the head near Houston by a man. A nation grieves still.

So Paris, who enjoys the high life in Hollywood, New York, and San Bernardino, made a few mistakes. No one thinks it's okay to drive poorly. No one believes that a beautiful young woman has any right to change the rules of the road or place traffic signs at a height only she deems optimal (say 3' 4"). NO one is saying that here!! A fair punishment is in order. On that we can all agree. 45 days in jail has been deemed proper by a certain Judge Sendrickson. And Paris shall indeed serve the 45 days (minus time off for good behavior and other relevant matters).

And so she shall emerge in 4-6 days a stronger, more evolved woman, lesson learned. The hard way. And we can all again look forward to her pouty ways and her fetching catwalk struts as the world's best designers drape her lithe, feline form in cottons and other fabrics which aren't cotton. In the meantime, as she stoically serves her sentence, we can go to the YouTube (on the WorldWide Nets) and enjoy her past devilish utterances of "she's hot," "he's hot," "they're hot," or perhaps "that's hot." Hot indeed, Paris. City of lights. Or is that Stuttgart? Either way. Not my job to find out.

In conclusion, whether it's Lindy Loshan, Brittney Speer, or Valerie Bertinelli, we must never stop cherishing our hot young women, those who invigorate our loins and challenge our minds with the words which come from their mouths. Never forget that our young heroes serving in Iraq are (above all) protecting our freedom to pursue the adoration of countless Hollywood starlets and, yes, heartthrobs. NEVER FORGET that (at this writing) 3,506 young Americans have sacrificed their lives to prevent the Taliban from covering up these vixens with ill-fitting tarps and unwieldy beekeeper helmets. If we give up on this epic struggle the terrorists, just like that, shall win and the starlets shall lose. And if that happens, ladies and gentleman, we as a country lose. And that country is the United States of America (The USA).

It's worth protecting.

-Paul C. Rosa

Sunday, June 3, 2007

A Return To Form


Well, it's been over two weeks since my last BLOG post and I have been deeply moved by the responses from many faithful readers. Some, clearly hoping I am fully rested, suggested that I continue my "vacation" and send e-mails only when "absolutely necessary." Many friends indicated to me that "less is more" and advised that I contact them "rarely if ever." I am moved that they would value my painstaking editing.

Others asked that they be removed from my e-mail list altogether as they simply have too many items to read on a daily basis already and have no time for my fine, lengthy pieces. Understood. We all live busy lives and can't always get to what's most important. A select few had (defective) computer "auto-responses" that indicated my e-mails would be "permanently blocked" and I have sent (hand-written) letters encouraging them to ask their service providers to fix this technology glitch.

A fellow (Mitch) e-mailed me a short while ago asking me, "What's up, dude?" When I read of such clear interest in my writing career, I become a bit emotional. Whether you're an actor, singer, ventriloquist, or writer, in your soul you crave love from your audience as a way of confirming your own self worth. Hearing "what's up dude?" reminds me yet again that I was born to write, to share my intimate creative processes with as many readers as possible in order to entertain, amuse, and (yes), to educate.

And there's always been a playful "give -n- take" with my sizable audience. Reader Nicole R. once responded to one of my pieces by forwarding a collection of photos featuring cute baby animals in amusing situations. Terrific! Rich N., after reading an essay I forwarded in March of this year, in return forwarded a delightful video of "Dads being struck in the groin" by a variety of sports accessories. This let me know, loud and clear, that he appreciated my hard work. Message received, Rich! Again and again my readers have demonstrated how important I am in their lives and and they have richly rewarded me. Indeed, it is my pleasure!

As I prepare myself emotionally for increased summer writing I assure my audience that my dedication to my craft has never been more pronounced. Thank you for making me a regular, welcome guest at your "computer station." In due time I will create a credit-card portion on my BLOG allowing you to make substantial donations which will be utilized for marketing pursuits, office supplies, and cans of compressed air (allowing me to keep my keyboard dust free).

A happy summer to all and blessings to most.