Are We Not Morons?

Moments ago I listened to a television commercial pitching a skin cream to "those who are passionate about the health of their skin." The pitch man confidently stated that the product contained "shea and cocoa butter," as if everyone from Peru to Pittsburgh understood full well that these are clearly the finest things on earth to smear into one's skin on a twice-daily basis. Admittedly, "shea" and "cocoa butter" certainly sound like things that are probably good for the skin but I base this conclusion on ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, as do we all. Constantly.

In fact, I have never even heard of cocoa butter (neither have you) and I didn't even know the word "shea" existed outside of Shea Stadium. But the advertisement works because these clever folks know full well that senseless, smooth-sounding "buzz words" easily move the docile buying public to action.

The shampoo I use (Pantene) declares on its label, "contains Hidratacion Diaria." Now those wiser than I may question the logic in buying a cleansing product containing "Diaria," but to those meddlers I would reply, "Well, I just saw this on the label for the first time moments ago so get the F#*K off my back!" Sorry, I drank too much Mr. Pibb.

Again, this shampoo advertises that it contains "Hidratacion" as if this word is found in normal, everyday conversation. As if EVERYONE knows what Hidratacion is and is secure in the knowledge that it will safely cleanse one's hair. But let's be honest here. For all we know, Hidratacion could be just another name for..well..diarrhea!

My toothpaste tube reads "multi-action" (that's gotta' be good, right?!), my hair gel contains "Humectress!" (super stuff, I bet!), and my laundry detergent now comes with "NexXxel Finishing" (that's certainly a long-overdue addition, I suspect).

In conclusion, hats off to the advertisers for not only long ago perfecting the skill to bullshit us into buying virtually anything but now doing it by using "buzz words" that aren't even words! And we do not question these mysterious, exotic "words" because, well, they sound "lyrical" and must be impressive if they appear on a bottle! Oh, how they must laugh in their Madison Avenue offices as they blissfully smoke their opium pipes, enjoy Def Leppard cassettes, and order Thai food from "Momma Sang's."

We have all become obedient consumers and our power to truly choose disappeared long ago. Darwin would have loved this....

Yippee,
Paul