Sunday, January 21, 2007

God Likes The Colts More Than The Darfur Refugees.

On Sunday night, the Baltimore Colts beat the New England Patriots, 38-34. In an interview after the game, the head coach of the Colts, Tony Dungy, declared (like so many dull jocks do) that "All thanks goes to the Lord." Oh, does it really?

The Colts players busted their asses all year long to make it to the Super Bowl and all thanks goes to the Lord? Hmmmm. Hey, Tony, doesn't some of the credit go to the players? Even if he disagreed with that wild premise, perhaps he could at least show some respect to those players who are not Christian or (gasp!) not religious at all. But the holier-than-thou certainly can be pushy, can't they?

You see, religious people become excruciatingly annoying when they imply that everyone believes (or should believe) exactly as they do. Hey, Tony, it sure is super-duper that Jesus Christ has made you a happy fellow, but guess what....Some of us think your beliefs are nonsense! But we'd never say that (how impolite!) until you start slinging your personal views about like it's all simple, irrefutable math! Don't be such a bore, Tony. Instead, give 110% (or whatever it is that jocks do best)!

And if this coach truly believed God was responsible for assuring a Colts win, doesn't it follow then that God cared more about a football game on Sunday than easing some misery in Darfur, Iraq, or New Orleans? Actually, if the good Lord cared a whit about the people of New Orleans he would have prevented the Saints from getting thumped by the Chicago Bears! And here's what all the Christians say to points like these: God has his reasons. But of course he does.

I never hear Buddhists or Jews imply that their religious beliefs are the only valid ones. Why can't more Christians and Muslims follow this humble lead? For instance, why is it that everyone who wants religion taught in public schools wants it to be their own religion exclusively? I'd ask Rick Santorum but, well, he apparently changed his D.C. address.

It was obviously the Golden, Invisible Unicorn of Zanzibar who decided the Patriots should watch the Super Bowl on televison this year. If a coach said things like this he would no doubt be swiftly fired. But spout off about an invisible, bearded guy who lives in the clouds behind some "pearly gates" and the frothing faithful nod knowingly, approvingly, and "patriotically."

Sorry, I'm not drinking that Kool-Aid...

-St. Paul


Rich said...

You have it partially correct, for while God DOES like the Colts more than the Darfur Refugees, the Golden Invisible Unicorn of Zanzibar prefers the Darfur Refugees...two to one. Of course, it may strictly be a "continental preference" thing with the Unicorn - you can never really tell with deities and such!

And I believe that Buddhists and Jews surveyed preferred the Patriots in 4 out of 5 cases, hence their noticable silence on the subject!

I hope that clears it all up, Solomon!

patrick said...

it wasn't gawd who was responsible, it was the blind refs.....the obvious interference by the dolts in the endzone, which then led to a field goal, as opposed to 1st and goal from the one; even my colt-fan friends thought that that sucked.....oh well, I digress good game, poorly officiated, shitty result....
sorta like what's about to happen with the spineless dems in power......we need more cajones in DC, whether in pants or under skirts, but I don't see that happening soon.... p

Hon said...

I find it incredibly scary to consider that the Almighty, should one exist, who causes our universe to spin, makes the sun come up in the morning and the moon come out at night and all living things on our planet and perhaps others, exist for christ sake, has the interest or the time to effect the outcome of a freaking FOOTBALL GAME!

"Hmmmm", says this diety, "I was planning on re-engineering the DNA embedded in space dust, but HECK, the Indianapolis Colts are playing today, so the HELL with that!" Then I picture this entity grabbing a beer and some chips and gettin' jiggy with the blue and white.

Or not.

brett said...

um, the colts are like from indianapolis and stuff.

you're old.