After living in New York City for a number of years (and that number is "7"), I have learned quite a few things. Things like: Don't lick subway seats, always wear at least some clothing to church, and remember that DNA can ruin your life.
But I've also learned that all of the most expensive apartment buildings in this immense city have elegant-sounding names (usually displayed with a fancy font above the building entrance). Names like "Trump Towers," "The Seville," "Tuscany Plaza" or "Normandy Court." These buildings usually feature apartments that rent for over $2,500 a month and have such enviable amenities as swimming pools, valet service, and uniformed doormen. Boy howdy, that's living!
But what of the "less-prestigious" buildings, the ones lacking laundry rooms and perhaps requiring a 4-flight schlep up a dark, dirty staircase? Do these buildings not deserve to be named as well? Why, of course they do. For instance, a modestly-priced apartment dwelling might be known as "The Unashamed," "The Adequate," "The Stepping Stone," or "Keokuk Estates." The upwardly mobile residing within could, when returning home each day, gaze in satisfaction at the encouraging sign above the front door as they dream of better jobs to come, fame, or the unexpected, much-appreciated death of a wealthy relative.
And then there's the housing for the city's most unfortunate residents. For instance, a building dominated by a merciless slumlord who allows the rats to breed like mice may be labeled, "The Shame Shack." Buildings housing the down-and-out, desperate drug addicts, or overly-driven professional men who've suffered massive emotional breakdowns may boldly be dubbed, "The Downward Spiral," "Hopeless Harbor," or "Musty Manor." Perhaps a beautiful, highly-stylized sign "out front" would raise the spirits of the anguished residents and motivate them to pursue "brighter horizons" each and every time they come home. Turning their lives around and being happy could be as simple as that. Just ask The Hallmark Card Company!
In conclusion, let the Trumps, the Rockefellers, and the Vanderbilts sprinkle their fancy names up and down Park Avenue like so much smelly caviar. I say kudos to the working class and the despairing as they return each day to their "Good Enough For Now" hovels and dream of a brighter future!
Always supporting the common man,
Paul "Paul" Rosa