Tuesday, January 30, 2007

TYRA BANKS BLOB BLOG

People who barely tolerate me,

For those of you who watch television (99.999999% of Americans) you are no doubt aware of the epic saga surrounding "extremely important American" (and ex-supermodel) Tyra Banks. This week Tyra expressed outrage on The Larry King Show that she was being unfairly attacked by the media. You see, swimsuit photos of her on the beach in Australia recently surfaced and showed a much heavier gal than we are accustomed to seeing in the Victoria's Secret catalogs, the pages of Mademoiselle, and in the fantasies of pimply-faced college freshmen who fervently clutch the aforementioned periodicals in one sweaty hand.

Tyra bitterly complained to Mr. King that the attacks on her weight were "mean spirited" and completely uncalled for. "Shame on the media!" she hissed. She explained that, as a healthy woman, her weight consistently fluctuates. So true, so true, young lady. In fact we should all learn to accept people for who they are and fight discrimination of any form! Let's proceed to the "sarcastic rebuttal" portion of my fine essay, the kind you've all come to dread as you move firmly in the direction of blocking my future e-mails.

Tyra Banks. Here's a woman who, for 15 years, made a fortune due to her lucky roll of the genetic dice. She was simply a "random recipient" of a face and figure that, at this particular point in history, happen to be considered attractive (and hugely lucrative). Celebrated as one of the most beautiful women in the world, Tyra was perfectly comfortable raking in millions of dollars while women considered "less attractive" or "heavy" had to get up each morning and work a real job. The meanness and discrimination that is part of our society was of no concern to Tyra back then, as she basked in the countless rewards of being slim and beautiful (and doing absolutely nothing!). Not a peep from her, ever, about how it may be sad that the fashion industry so richly rewards women deemed "beautiful" while rewarding the "heavy-set" or "plain" with only guilt, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. No admission that the fashion industry and their absurd, unrealistic definition of a "perfect woman" might just have something to do with the millions of cases of anorexia in America....

But, lo and behold, as soon as Tyra Banks actually BECOMES one of those "heavy people" who is discriminated against, everything changes! When a few of the tabloids who once splashed her hot body across their pages now poke fun at her for eating hot dogs, there is HELL to pay. Indeed, hell hath no fury like a (once-gorgeous) woman scorned! Is this not the height of hypocrisy or, at the very least, the width of hypocrisy (lame pun intended)?


Burp.



Faithfully,
Paul "Paul" Rosa

32 comments:

Hon said...

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OK, enough of that. Loved the post, dude; it's your best one yet!

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Rich said...

Chalk me up to the "tolerates you for a period of time then goes bonkers with the incessant ramblings..."

HAHA

Ok, my friend. First, why limit ourselves to Tyra Banks. Let's expand that circle to "all" members of the "lucky sperm club" - I dare say that you would be a member of that select group! That's right: white male, still has his hairline (although does have a loping gait), "middle age". It is the rest of us that should be railing against Larry King! Isn't he an outrage?! I say bully (and blobby) for Tyra for her outburst at that sad excuse for anything - "Larry" King!

er, I think I missed the point!

Regardless, less Larry King live and more Larry King dead!

Anonymous said...

Ha

Mirabelle said...

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Jo said...

tyra Banks is a complete idiot I just wish more people would see it


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